Insomniac Records
by Vaviacya
Summary: It first started with a case of insomnia. But neither of them could have imagined it leading to something to something this bad. Harsh words, shattered glass, and broken hearts can't possibly be the answer. /Spamano/ With a twist.
1. Chapter 1

_Hey, guys. Welcome to my new story._

_This is a complex little story, that's so far about ten thousand words. I think I'm going to upload the first few chapters, and see if people like it. If you guys do, I'll be happy to upload more. This was typed up on my iPod, so please excuse any mistakes. ^^'' I promise I'll get to them as soon as I can._

_Ratings will most likely go up._

_**Warnings:** This is not your normal, adorable, fluffy insomnia story. More warnings include language, mature suggestion, bipolar disorder. Yeah, it sounds weird, just bare with me. Oh, yeah. And an over-reactant Antonio._

**_Disclaimer: _**_Don't own. Duh._

_Please keep the flames to yourself._

_Have fun reading. I love you guys._

_**~Insomniac Records~**_

_***Chapter 1***_

Insomnia.

It's haunted Lovino ever since he was very little, as he spend silent and dark nights all alone in his room, huddled between his blanket and mattress. Too many countless nights of staying awake for hours on end, feeling every bit as tired as seemingly possible, but never able to find peace to fall asleep.

In a miserable haze, he would try to think of anything else other than his current situation. Usually, these thoughts would all lead back to the same person - his caretaker, and brother-like figure, Antonio. He would try to imagine how calm and peaceful he must be, in deep sleep, dreaming of faraway places. Probably with that same, stupid smile he always wore.

Lovino has never told Antonio about his sleeping problem. Why would he? His idiot of a boss was already overprotective, telling him about something to childish and insignificant as this would be out of the question. He couldn't help but wonder of Antonio silently knew. Whether he actually was aware of it or not, Lovino constantly felt exhausted. Completely drained of energy, left with no patience whatsoever. Maybe that's why he always seemed like such an abrupt, obnoxious child. He just couldn't keep up the act.

Wouldn't it be nice of he could just close his eyes at night, and be swept away by his imagination and unreality? Just for the night? Was it really too much to ask for? Was it really supposed to be that hard to just... Close your eyes...? And...

"Lovi?"

Lovino's eyes fluttered open, then closed again with a quiet groan. "Go away, you bastard. Can't you see I'm trying to sleep?"

A light laugh was heard. "Ah, I think I would if I could, but you're kinda leaning on me, Lovi..."

"_What_?" Lovino yelped out, sitting up suddenly. Where the hell was he anyway?

Oh... That's right. That idiot Antonio wanted to watch a new Spanish movie with him. For reasons even he couldn't understand, he had agreed to. But it looks like he had fallen asleep on him - literally.

Antonio laughed again, playfully mussing his hair. "You looked so cute sleeping~! Even thought you did miss most of the movie."

"Well, sorry if I'm a little tired." Lovino snapped. He couldn't believe it! He had actually been using Antonio's shoulder as a damn pillow or something! "The movie was boring anyway!"

"You think so?" Antonio paused, thinking. "I kind of liked it."

"Whatever," Lovino muttered, standing up.

"Where are you going?" Antonio called as he began walking out of the room.

"To get something to eat." Came the aggravated reply.

Antonio blinked, and began aimlessly following him to the kitchen.

"Maybe you should just go to bed," Antonio suggested, taking a seat at the kitchen table, watching as the younger rummaged through cabinet after cabinet.

"No." Lovino glared at him. "It's not even eight o'clock yet!"

"But you fell asleep a little while ago," Antonio tried. "You wouldn't want to mess up your sleeping schedule. It's not good for you, you know."

"The only health hazard around here is you, you moron."

Settling on a salad that he found in the fridge, Lovino grabbed a fork, and sat down at the table directly across from Antonio.

"Aw, Lovi~" Antonio pouted slightly. "Those are my leftovers from lunch with Gil..."

"Tough luck," Lovino retorted, beginning to eat his makeshift dinner.

Antonio watched him eat, his head leaning on his hand.

Antonio reached out to the salad to swipe a small piece of tomato, but Lovino slapped his hand away before he could.

Antonio gave a pathetic sigh of defeat. Then, "So, what do you want to do this weekend?"

"Huh?" Lovino glanced up to him, munching on the green leaves and small slices of meat.

"I have this weekend off, remember?" Antonio asked cheerfully. "We should get out of the house and do something tomorrow!"

"Tomorrow?" Lovino repeated. "I, uh..." He looked back down. "I don't know..."

"You don't want to hang out with boss?" Antonio asked innocently. "Please, Lovi? It could be a lot of fun! We could invite Francis or Gilbert, or your brother and Ludw-"

The deadly glare he got shut him up instantly.

"Or just the two of us!" Antonio continued happily.

Lovino bit his lip, not wanting to look Antonio in the eye. He tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach, suddenly finding the food in front of him seem unappetizing.

"Lovino...?" Antonio's softer voice caused Lovino to look back up to him, to see those green eyes on him.

"What?" Lovino glared harshly.

"Is something wrong?" Antonio asked cautiously.

Lovino felt his mouth run dry. "No. W-why are you asking?"

"Well, I mean," Antonio began carefully. "You don't _have_ to go anywhere tomorrow, or even this weekend. I just thought it would be nice to go somewhere together, and have the day just to ourselves."

Lovino swallowed uncomfortably. Leave it to Antonio to guilt-trip him without even realizing it.

"I-It's not that," Lovino started, his grip on his fork tightening with stress. "It's just that... I just have some stuff around here that I'll need to get done... And, um..."

He stared down again. This was not working. How are you supposed to tell a guy like this that you're too fucking exhausted to even spend time with him? He was silently hoping he would be able to stay home and catch up on sleep - if that was even possible.

He had completely forgotten that Antonio had the weekend off from work. Lovino had a really bad week for sleeping. He had only gotten about sixteen hours of sleep since last weekend. He could tend to fake his energy while Antonio was home, then take as long a nap as he could when he left. Which tended to not work very well.

"Oh. Okay. I guess I get it." Lovino looked back up. Antonio's smile was gone, his gaze avoiding Lovino's.

"Antonio, I'm really sorry," Lovino blurted out honestly.

Antonio shrugged, beginning to stand up. "No, I get it. There are better things you could be doing than being with me. I understand."

"N-no, wait!" Lovino's eyes widened as Antonio left the room, his hands in his pockets. "Damn it, don't just leave!" Lovino yelled angrily, standing. "Listen to me!"

He heard a door swing shut, then nothing.

"_Damn it!_" Lovino yelled, slamming his fists on the table, causing the fork to fly straight off the table, and everything else tumbling over in a mess.

_**~1st person POV~**_

I was furious. I was furious at myself. Why couldn't I just tell him?

I would fucking _love_ to go out with him somewhere alone. That would seriously mean the world to me. But no. Of course not. _Something_ had to be in the way.

I stumbled slightly as I stood up, my head feeling light from lack of proper sleep. I was so deprived of it that I couldn't even think straight. What the hell was wrong with me?

I left the kitchen, not bothering to clean up. I actually managed to make my way up to my bedroom that I shared with Antonio, up the stairs and everything. I collapsed on the bed, closing my eyes.

I could understand Antonio's frustration. It had been months since we've had real time together like this. And I know that he's been looking forward to when he could take a little time off... For me.

I let out a long sigh.

Maybe I could try it. I could see how well I can do with however much sleep I get in tonight, then surprise him in the morning. If he's still not mad at me.

I suddenly felt sick. I hate when Antonio's mad at me.

I rolled over on my back, and tried not to think of that. My eyes still closed, I tried to relax just enough to fall asleep. I let my thoughts wander to nothing in particular, and I let out a quiet yawn.

… Nothing.

I don't know how long I was laying there. I had been dozing off and on, but I had never actually slept.

This was the process I went through every night. I was restless and completely exhausted.

Suddenly, I heard the bedroom door open. I watched through nearly-opened eyes as Antonio quietly entered the room. He spotted me, but must have guessed that I was asleep. He walked into our closer, where he chose some more comfortable clothes, and began to change.

I found myself staring at his bare back miserably, and couldn't help but wonder what sort of things Antonio had planned for the weekend, now hopelessly gone.

I felt the bed dip in slightly as he crawled in. I remained still, expecting a pair of warm, welcoming arms to wrap around my bod, just as he did every night. He would then fall asleep quickly, his cheek resting against my hair.

But not tonight. Instead, Antonio stayed on his half of the bed, and, with no contact with me, fell asleep. Just like that.

I felt my eyes prick with tears that were demanding to fall. Antonio's back was to me, and I couldn't see his face.

He was still angry with me.

There was no point in holding it back began to fall from my eyes, running sidewards down my cheeks, nose, and even lips.

This was getting ridiculous, I realized. There had to be something I could do.

_One more time,_ I thought to myself hazily. _Just close you eyes one more time..._

_**x~X~x**_

It was too hot. It was too cold. It was too uncomfortable. There was always something wrong.

I moved around, subconsciously trying find more comfort in my bed. I wasn't sure for how long I had been asleep, but I wanted to keep it up. The more energy I had, the better.

"Lovino..."

My eyes widened at the very soft voice on the other side of the bed. I held my breath.

"Keep it down a bit... I'm still trying to sleep."

I guessed that Antonio was only half-awake, judging from the grogginess in his voice.

"S-sorry..." I muttered hoarsely, feeling guilty.

I sat up, figuring that was all the sleep I was going to get tonight. I looked out the window, and I was a little pleased at what I saw. It wasn't much, but sunlight was visible in the horizon, painting the sky colorfully.

I did it. I actually slept through the entire night. Glancing to the time, I learned that it was about five in the morning. That worked for me.

I stood up, making sure not to wake Antonio again, and I began getting ready for the day. I got dressed in to a pair of casual, dark jeans, and I rather tight-fitting black shirt. Once finished combing out my hair, I made my way downstairs, to the kitchen, where I began making some coffee for myself.

What would Antonio and I do today? I wasn't sure, but I hoped it was rather exciting. My cheeks warmed at that thought.

I drank my coffee while reading an old Italian novel that I found a little while ago. I went back for one more cup after about an hour or so, and managed to kill the rest of the morning just reading.

The hot drink woke me up a little more, and I tried to forget about slight side-affects, par say, that usually came with me drinking coffee. But I didn't care. I was going to spend the day with Antonio, and it was going to be amazing.

Antonio woke up at out about eight-thirty. He came down the stairs, and into the kitchen.

"Good morning, Lovino."

I looked up, and mumbled, "Good morning."

"So... I think I'm going to go to Gilbert's place later on today. He said something about a party going on later this evening, and a couple other people will be there, too." Antonio cut off.

"Um..." I cleared my throat. "You know, i-if you want to..." My finger tapped against the cup nervously. "If you wanted to, maybe we could do something before you go. Like hang put or something."

Antonio's eyes lit up. "Really?" He exclaimed. "That would be great, Lovi!"

I let the tiniest of smiles escape me. "Yeah," I merely shrugged.

"Do you think we could go to that park we had a picnic at that one time?" Antonio asked, opening the refrigerator, looking for something to eat.

"What park?"

"Remember we went with Feliciano and Femke there?" Antonio pulled a tomato out from the refrigerator. He leaned against the counter, and continued, "It was a little while ago."

"Oh."

Then I remembered. It was a nice park about an hour from here, but it was a good place for couples to be together. That could be fun.

So it was settled. Two hours later, we were both in Antonio's car, headed towards the park. Just the two of us. We were talking about anything from tomato salad to burnt churros, it was that random. But I didn't mind. I was having fun so far. And by the look so of it, Antonio was, too.

My left hand in his right one, Antonio would occasionally press shy kisses to the back of it, making me blush slightly and look away.

When we got to the park, it was about eleven o'clock. Antonio my hand in his, and we walked through the isolated fields, and up a hill where we had held the picnic the last time I was here.

It was a cliché place, really. Green grass and tress, beautiful skies and perfect weather – straight from a movie. But I didn't care. A decent romantic scenery is nice to escape to sometimes.

"I sorta wish this place had a good view of the city," Antonio was complaining as we bot sat down under a shady tree. I just rolled my eyes. "This will work, you moron." The scold was only half-hearted.

"Of course it will," Antonio winked at me with a rather sudden attitude change. "You're here, so it's perfect."

I couldn't help but wonder if he Googled good catchphrases before we left. He was such an idiot, I thought irritably.

I was growing tired again. I tried to do anything I could to keep up my energy, but it was hard. Also, my head was beginning to hurt. I knew that it was from the coffee. I don't normally drink it it, and this is the reason why.

I closed my eyes, attempting to fend off the headache. In addition, I rested my head on Antonio's shoulders, so he couldn't see. Our hands were still intertwined, and I could feel him squeeze mine softly.

My eyelids grew heavy. My speech slurred slightly. I was doomed.

"Hey, Lovi?"

My eyes opened at the sound of Antonio's voice, and I looked up at him. "What?"

Antonio rubbed his thumb over my cheek softly, making me shiver, and said, "I'm really sorry about last night. I really overreacted back there, huh?"

It took me a full two seconds to first comprehend what he was saying, and then remember what had happened.

"It's fine," I muttered, not looking at him in the eye. "You had a reason to be mad. I don't blame you."

Antonio smiled. "Good. Well, I'm glad to know that you're not angry anymore."

Why was it that everything in his voice sounds so... Fake?

Antonio leaned closer to me, and, tilting his head slightly, kissed my lips. It was a single, somewhat passionate kiss that we usually shared for good-mornings and good-byes, but I guess it worked now.

But then Antonio extended the kiss even further, and the next thing I know, I'm in a relatively heated lip-lock. His tongue, invading my mouth and teasing mine, was making me feel a little... hot. But I had to quit - soon. My headache was growing worse, and I was so tired that I could barely think.

"N-no wait, A-Antonio...!" I panted out as Antonio slid his hands beneath my shirt. His hands were freezing-cold, and I didn't want to go this far.

"Something wrong?" Antonio teased, starting to kiss at my neck.

I couldn't find the right words, my mind was working too slowly.

"S-stop it, Toni, please." I managed to say, my breath uneven. "P-please..."

Antonio's head tilted. "Why?" That's when his fingers found my curl, which he pulled on gently.

"Damn it!" I moaned back almost deliriously. "I-I don't f-feel good, Toni, s-stop it!"

"I'll make you feel good," Antonio responded slyly. "Trust me."

"N-no, I'm serious, stop it!" I yelled out.

Antonio finally stopped, pulling back with a small frown. "Lovi...?"

"Fuck you," I groaned out, pulling my knees up to my chest, holding my head. God, this was embarrassing. But at the time, I wasn't really thinking about that. Hell, I wasn't really thinking at all.

"Lovi, are you okay?" Antonio asked me. I could hear something that almost sounded like concern in his voice. Fucker.

"No." I didn't lift my head.

"What's wrong?" Antonio asked gently, moving a bit closer to me.

"My head hurts, and I'm not in the mood for this." My teeth gritted as another sudden course of pain erupted in my head.

There was a pause, and I didn't know what to expect.

Then, "You had coffee this morning, didn't you?"

It was more like a statement than a question.

"It doesn't matter," I spat, only growing more and more frustrated at nothing in real particular.

"Oh, Lovi." I heard Antonio exhale a sigh. A sigh of what? Irritation? Disappointment? Guilt? I couldn't tell.

I felt Antonio place a hand on my back, but I pushed him away harshly. This he was taken aback by.

"Lovino, what's going on?"

"A-Antonio," I took a shaky breath, looking up. His eyes were wide on mine, listening.

"Please," I felt my body shudder slightly. "P-please, can we go home?"

Antonio didn't need to reply. He stood up, and in a fluid moment, picked me up in his arms. I felt so incredibly vulnerable and weak. I felt pathetic. I closed my eyes. I didn't want to see the expression of on Antonio's face. I thought I heard Antonio murmur something to himself, but I couldn't make it out.

I lost consciousness before we even reached the car.


	2. Chapter 2

_Heyyyy, early update. Don't expect this again._

_Thanks for such positive reviews, you guys, I don't think you realize how much they mean to me. ^^ I forgot to apologize last chapter for the POV change, but no one's bitched about it yet, so I guess you don't mind too much. Sorry, it's just much easier for me to write in 1st person. X)_

_**Warnings: **__Over-reactant Antonio (again), insomnia, language, mild suggestion, mild sickness, bipolar disorder and... Femke._

_**Disclaimer: **Haha. *Insert funny joke here.*_

_Love ya'll._

_**~Insomniac Records~**_

_***Chapter two***_

When I opened my eyes, I felt a lot different.

I no longer felt tired. But my head was still aching terribly, but at least I had energy. I felt thrilled – I wasn't tired! I looked around.

I was in my bedroom. I tried to sit up, and that's when I realized that someone had actually tucked me into the bed. I rubbed my eyes tiredly, trying to remember exactly what had happened. All I really recall was feeling absolutely horrible, and... That was it.

A shiver ran down my spine when I saw Antonio, siting on a chair on the other side of the room. At first, I was nervous. But then I took in a bit more detail. His head was leaning in his hands, and he wasn't moving. He was asleep.

I glanced to the clock next to me. It was about four in the morning.

_Four in the **morning?**_

Was I seriously out for seventeen hours? I began to panic a little. What was wrong with me?

I managed to sit up all the way, and just as I was preparing to stand, I heard movement behind me, and I froze.

"Oh. Good. You woke up..."

It sounded almost sarcastic. But when I turned around sharply, I saw Antonio looking at me with relief shining in his eyes, and he was smiling.

Maybe it was sarcastic.

I swallowed heavily. "Y-yeah."

"I was so worried." Antonio close his eyes momentarily.

"Antonio," I choked out suddenly, "I-I'm s-so sorry."

Antonio looked back up at me. "For what?"

"For _this_," I couldn't even bring myself to look at him. "I-it was your idea to take me out, a-and I just totally..."

"Lovino." Antonio cut me off. He stood up, and sat down next to me, staring at me intently. "You don't have to apologize. I should have known."

"K-known?" I repeated. "Known what?"

"You didn't have to make excuses." Antonio said evenly, turning forward. "If you really didn't want to go out with me, you could have just said so."

No.

No!

No, no, _NO_!

"It's not that!" I exclaimed, my voice cracking from tears beginning to overflow down my cheeks. "W-what _'excuses'_?"

Antonio just shook his head, standing up. "I'm sorry that you feel that way, Lovino, I am."

I just stared at him, my eyes wide in terrible disbelief. What the hell was he _saying_? This wasn't like him!

I covered my mouth with my hand to prevent any more noise escaping me. I looked up one last time through blurry, tear-filled eyes to see Antonio staring at me, expressionless, and he left the room.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't hold back. I covered my face with my hands, and sobbed loudly, my nails scratching my forehead. I cried about everything. I cried because I was too tired all the time, I cried because I had ruined a seemingly perfect date. But mostly because Antonio... had just walked out on me.

_**x~X~x**_

I don't know how long I laid there. It didn't matter. Time seemed to have lost its importance. I had never cried that hard in my entire life. I never really had a reason to. But now that my reason not to cry was gone, I had suddenly let it all out at once.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know of Antonio was even still in the house. I didn't know if he was ever coming back. I didn't know anything.

Through red and abused eyes, I looked to the time miserably. It was nearly seven in the morning. The sun was already up, and the day had begun. For some reason, that only made me want to cry even harder.

I reached over on the nightstand for my cellphone, silently hopeful for anything from Antonio.

Absolutely nothing.

What was I expecting?

I scrolled through my contacts slowly. I read off each name to myself, needing to talk to someone.

I couldn't call my brother. He wouldn't understand. Maybe I could call Francis?

I closed my eyes, trying to prevent any more falling tears. Francis would probably take Antonio's side.

And then I remembered one other person - probably the only person besides Antonio that I could talk to about anything.

I shakily pressed the green call button over the contact name, and raised the phone to my ear. It rang four times, and I was beginning to think that there would be no answer. But then, I heard the bright, happy voice on the other end.

_"Hey, Lovi! This is new, you actually called me! What's going on?"_

I bit my lip for a moment. "H-hey, Femke..."

_"Hi! Are you okay? You sound a little off." _

"I... I'm not okay," I said in a quiet voice.

_"What's wrong?"_

"Can you... Can you come over?"

_"Of course I can! I'll be there in a little bit. Did something happen?" _ I could hear the slight distress in her voice.

"Y-yeah... Something happened."

_"Do you think you can talk to Antonio about it until I get there? He should be _ _home, right?" _

I was silent, looking down.

There was a pause on the other end.

_"It's about Antonio, isn't it?" _

I nodded, but then remembered she couldn't see me. "Yes."

_"I'll be over in a minute, Lovi."_

I heard a car door slam shut on the other end of the line.

"Th-thank you, Femke." I whispered, clutching the bed sheet next to me.

She hung up with a reassuring reply, and I closed my eyes, leaning back against the pillows. It wouldn't take Femke long to get here- I just had to make sure I didn't fall asleep while waiting.

My head was pounding painfully, and my legs were beginning to ache. I guessed it was from not moving since yesterday afternoon.

I let the cell phone slip from my fingers, and it landed on the floor with a hard _crack_ sound. I couldn't care less.

Ten minutes later, I heard the front door unlock. I sat up quickly, the room spinning as I did so, and stood up. I walked to the front room, just as Femke stepped into the house. She smiled warmly at me, and hugged me.

"Hey, Lovi," She said, pulling away, still smiling. "Let's sit down, okay?"

I just nodded, and she lead me to the couch, which I sat next to her on.

"You... You didn't happen to see Antonio's car here, did you?" I asked Femke nervously.

She shook her head. "No. It wasn't in the garage, either."

So he was gone. I felt like crying all over again.

"Lovi, what happened?" Femke asked me gently, her eyes on me.

"W-well... Antonio and I s-sort of had a fight." I struggled to start from the very beginning. "He wanted to take me somewhere, you know, just the two of us." I looked up, and Femke nodded encouragingly.

"A-and, well... He... He got a little... Fast-forward." I glanced to the side. "And I didn't want to do that. Then he thought I didn't want to be with him. I-I asked him if we could just go home, but," I ran my wrist over my eyes roughly. "But I... I fell asleep on the way home. And h-he got really mad at me, and said that I was making excuses to not be with him, and h-he left."

"Just like that?" Femke asked, her eyebrows raising.

I nodded again. I could tell that Femke was listening, which I really appreciated.

She frowned, thinking. "When did this happen?"

"Yesterday." I had to remind myself it was seven-thirty already.

"Did he leave last night, then?"

"N-no. He stayed, and then left a-about... A few hours ago. We got back from the park at about noon."

"Wait," Femke said slowly. "But you guys had more than twelve hours together. You couldn't talk it out then?"

She wasn't mad, just curious.

"I- we couldn't," I muttered. "I was... Asleep."

"For that entire time?" Femke's eyes were wide now.

"Yeah. I..." I glanced to her. "I wasn't feeling s-so good..."

"You mean to say that he seriously tried to make a move on you when you weren't feeling well?"

"K-kinda."

My head was on hands now, my eyes closed. It felt good to finally tell someone.

"Oh, dear." Femke murmured to herself. "I am going to kill that bastard."

I didn't reply. I couldn't. I began to Femke rub my back slowly, comfortingly, and I bit back tears.

"Lovi, can you look up at me for a moment?"

I did as I was told, meeting green eyes, similar to ones I was far too familiar with. Just as I was about to ask what she was doing, she placed her hand on my forehead, causing me to blink.

"My God," Femke gasped lightly. "You are really burning up!"

For some reason, that didn't really phase me the way I think it should have. Nothing was surprising me anymore.

"Does Antonio know you're running such a high fever?" Femke demanded.

I shook my head wearily. _I_ didn't even know it was running a high fever.

Femke hissed something in a different language, furious. "That son of a bitch." She said finally. "I'm going to kill him."

Suddenly, her voice was calm and almost motherly. "Let's get you back to bed, Lovi."

For once, I accepted her outstretched hand, and she put her arm around my shoulder as she walked me back to my bedroom. Antonio and I's bedroom.

"Femke...?" I felt disgusted with how soft and weak my voice sounded. It made me feel sick. Well, sick_er_.

"Yes?" Femke asked, drawing the blanket up to my shoulders, making me feel like I was five years old.

"Is... Is there something wrong with me?" I asked in a strained voice.

"What do you mean?" Femke asked, her head at a slight angle.

"Well, I mean..." I took in a deep breath. "I haven't been able to sleep lately. I would feel really tired, but when I go to bed, I can't actually fall asleep. I've been so tired, all the time."

"Hmm," Femke sat on the edge of the bed, and I sat up a little. "How long has that been happening?"

"Since I was little, really." I admitted. "But I think it's getting worse."

"About how many hours of sleep are you getting every night?" Femke asked

"About..." I thought for a moment, then, "About four or five. On good nights."

"Does Antonio know?"

"Of course not." I spat out bitterly. "He's an inconsiderate bastard."

"You should tell him." Femke told me. "Even if he can't do anything about it."

"What good would that be?"

"He would know." Femke responded. "He would know that you might not be feeling up to some activities that he may be, and he'll respect when you're tired."

"I don't think he would." I mumbled. "All he's really interested in is himself and sex."

... Did I really put that so bluntly...?

Well, it was true.

"You might be surprised," Femke answered, understanding. "But before you do... I need to talk to him first."

"Don't really kill him, okay?" I heard myself say, then let out a yawn. Femke could be a rather intimidating girl. I closed my eyes.

Femke chuckled. "No promises, sweetie, but I'll try."

I just gave a settled nod, far too drowsy to continue the conversation.

_**x~X~x**_

I let out a muffled groan, clutching the pillow to my face. Everything hurt, and I didn't want to wake up.

In a feverish gaze, I could only tell that I was in bed. I reached out, feeling for the familiar warmth to comfort me and curl into... But it wasn't there. My eyes bolted open, and then closed again as I let out a long sigh. Of course Antonio wasn't here.

I sat up, holding my head. I was feeling a little better. Physically, at least.

I walked out of my room slowly, my hand on the wall to support my weight. I felt incredibly light-headed. I made it down the stairs, where I saw Femke in the living room. The television was on, but she was busy texting on her phone. She looked up when I was at the base of the stairs, and smiled.

"How did you sleep?"

"Okay, I guess." I sat down next to her, leaning back. "What time is it?"

"It's about two in the afternoon," Femke answered. She finished on her phone, and she slipped it back into her pocket.

"Any word from Antonio?" I asked, barely thinking. Femke shook her head. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." I stared forward. "This isn't your fault."

I closed my eyes, resting my head against my folded arms on the arm of the couch. The light in the room made my head throb. I felt Femke run her hand through my hair gently, comfortingly. "Does your head still hurt, Lovi?"

"Yes." It came out more as a moan of pain than a normal reply.

"You don't feel delusional, do you?" Femke asked, worried.

"Don't think so." I answered, finally looking back up. "Just... Slow. Hazy."

"Hold on a moment." Femke stood, walking around the corner of the room.

Before I could even guess where she was going, she came back, a small utensil in her hand.

I frowned. "What's that?"

"I want to take your temperature, and no complaining." Femke said firmly, sitting back down next to me. "Open your mouth."

"I... I really don't think that's necessary." I stuttered. "I'm feeling better than I was before."

"I just want to know if I need to take you to the hospital." Femke shrugged. "I would get in a lot of trouble of you are to go into a coma on my watch."

I let lose a small smile. "You know that won't happen."

"Can't be too sure." Femke answered, grinning. "Now, come on. Open up."

With a final roll of my eyes, I did as she asked. Opening my mouth slightly, she placed the thermometer in, telling me to put it under my tongue. I did as I was told without any more protests. I crossed my arms over my chest, as I glared half-heartedly at her.

Then, after a little while, she motioned for me to open my mouth, which I did.

"It tastes disgusting." I made a face as she examined the thermometer. "So, what's it say?"

Femke sighed, standing up. "Well, you're not about to die."

I shrugged. "Good enough for me."

"But it's still pretty high." Femke warned me. "Don't do anything too crazy for a couple of days, hear me?"

"Yeah, yeah." I waved my hand at her dismissively.

"The lack of sleep won't help your fever," Femke told me as she began walking back to the bathroom.

"There's not much I can do about that." I called back to her. "I'm _trying_ to get as much sleep as I can."

Femke came back, her expression thoughtful. "I'm sure there's something you could do for a better sleep," She said, seeming rather certain of herself.

"I've tried everything, it seems." I muttered, looking down. "But I still wake up exhausted the next morning from just a couple hours of sleep."

"Have you tried tea, or coffee in the morning?" Femke suggested.

"I get the worst headaches from coffee." I replied, not looking up "I think that's what got me yesterday. I drank some so I would be able to have enough energy for our date, but that plan backfired... Antonio must have thought I did it on purpose."

The room was silent.

And then Femke spoke, "I'm going to make myself some lunch. Are you hungry?"

I shook my head. "Feel free to use the kitchen."

"Thanks," Femke smiled brightly at me, before disappearing into the kitchen.

I laid back on the couch, stretching my legs. I let out a yawn, and closed my eyes. I knew I wasn't going to get any more sleep, probably not for the rest of the day. But I felt so tired... This wasn't fair.

If Antonio were here, we would be watching some movies with a huge bowl of popcorn. My head would be on his lap, all while he would be stroking my hair slowly, occasionally kissing me. And I'm not completely making this up. On quiet nights, that's how we would be spending the majority of it, until we fell asleep. Or at least until Antonio did.

Then again, on more... Er... _active_ nights, we would both be in the bedroom and... Well, you know how it goes.

I pressed my face against the sofa pillow. I missed him. Damn it, I missed him so much... Why did I have to be so stupid? Why could I not tell how much alone time meant to Antonio? Why was I just so fucking _ignorant_? I could feel the tears again, but I wasn't stopping them. I let them fall silently, feeling my cheeks grow wet, my vision blurring.

I wanted to call him. I needed to call him. I needed _him_. He had to know how sorry I was. He had to know everything.

My eyes remained closed as I listened to the noises from the kitchen. I could tell that Femke was trying to be as quiet as she could, and honestly, she was doing a good job of it.

But after about a half hour or so, I heard a different noise. It almost sounded like... Typing...?

I sat up, feeling dizzy as I did so. I rubbed the side of my head with two fingers slowly, trying to ease the pressure. Then I looked over to the dining room table, where Femke was, sure enough, on a laptop, her gaze intent on the screen.

Wait. That was _my_ computer.

"Um... Femke...?" I cleared My throat, my voice sounding a little rough. "What are you...?"

"Oh, hi!" Femke giggled at me in almost mock innocence. "Sorry I didn't ask for permission- you looked really tired and I didn't want to disturb you."

"It's okay. I guess. But what are you doing?" I pulled over a chair, sitting next to her.

"I think I know why you aren't able to fall asleep the way you should be." Femke began to explain, gesturing to the screen. "Have you ever heard of insomnia?"

"Insomnia?" I echoed. "Don't think so."

"Well, it's a sleeping disorder," Femke told me. I felt my blood run cold suddenly.

"A 'disorder'?"

Femke nodded. "It's actually a rather serious problem – well, it _can _be, at least."

"What exactly is it?" I asked, trying to not to appear too jumpy. I was kind of freaking out. Now I had a disorder? Really?

"It's basically a sleeping difficulty," Femke re-read the screen, "It makes it hard for you to go to sleep, stay asleep, and wake up."

"So it's like an all-around thing." I summarized. "That's... weird."

"How so?" Femke asked, looking to me.

"Well, because... I think..." I broke off. "What are some other symptoms?"

Femke didn't question my little stutter, and instead began to read off the symptoms.

"Relative fatigue, irritability," She smirked. "That just sounds like you, doesn't it?"

"You don't say," My eyes narrowed.

"That's pretty much it," Femke glanced back to me.

I was quiet.

"Ah-ha. And right here. It may cause fevers and other illnesses." Femke snapped her fingers.

"What are some basic treatments?" I asked.

"Let me see..." Femke scrolled through the website. "It says you can try eating a small snack before sleeping, or relaxing yourself with music, or something..."

I let out a sigh. "What else?"

"Hm... Avoid stressful situations, and don't mess with too many electronics..." That sounded like my daily life.

"Is that it?" I asked, crossing my arms. "Lame site."

"No, wait!" Femke exclaimed suddenly, excited. "There's one more thing you can try!"

I was instantly interested. "What is it?"

"Right here!" Femke pointed to the screen. "Sex is a natural sleep inducer!"

"Oh, _**God**__,_ s_hut up!_" I groaned, covering my face with my hands. Femke laughed. "You said you've tried almost everything. Does that include-?"

"If you must know, _yes_!" I glared at her, my face heating up terribly. "But we didn't, like, plan it or anything."

"Lovi, that's great," Femke laughed out. "Ah, I'm sorry, I'm not making fun of you, really." She grinned. "Did it work, though?"

"S-sort... sort of...?" I fumbled over my words.

"What does that mean?" Femke asked curiously.

"I-I mean," I blinked. "Well, yes, I did go to sleep relatively quickly, compared to, um... other nights..."

"Is he really that good?" Femke's eyebrows raised.

"No!" I nearly shrieked. "That doesn't mean _anything_!

"So then he's _not_ good in bed?" Femke asked me innocently.

… I was done here.

"Where are you going?" Femke blinked, watching me stand up, heading towards the exit of the room.

"Getting some aspirin, or something." I replied dully, beginning to somewhat rub my forehead. Femke just nodded, and looked back to the screen.

I shut the bathroom door behind me, staring at my reflection.

I was a mess. My messy, tangled hair was anything but neat, and my face seemed abnormally pale. I was a complete wreck. My eyes were even still red from crying.

Without thinking, I pulled out my cell phone from my pocket. No new calls, no new messages. I bit my lip painfully.

Why wasn't Antonio even contacting me? Was he really that angry? I don't even know what I did to make him so upset. I just wanted him back.

I put my phone away, and, searching through the cabinet, found what I was originally looking for. After taking three medicine capsules without water, I walked back to the living room.

I laid back down on the couch, closing my eyes. At this point, I think anything could make me feel better, because I don't think it's possible for me to feel worse. Physically, and emotionally.

Before I dozed off into what I guessed would be another fitful rest, I heard Femke coming towards me, and saying softly, "I'm going to call Antonio."

But at that point, I didn't even have enough energy to care.


	3. Chapter 3

_Damn, I am hungry... I haven't eaten anything in the past 36 hours. I tried drawing a little while ago, but my hands were shaking too much from low blood sugar that I really couldn't. Hahah... I need to find more hobbies._

_Short chapter today, folks._

_You guys should probably know this – if you're not feeling up to a 500-word mental thought from Lovi, you should probably just scroll down until you find some dialogue. I wrote it out when I was bored, and figured I could use it here. Don't hate me, I just wanted to._

_**Warnings: **Language, mild sickness, bipolar disorder, nakedness and some yaoi. Oh yes. But don't get your hopes up._

_**Disclaimer: **Don't own. Durr._

**_~Insomniac Records~_**

**_*Chapter three intro*_**

Antonio is my boyfriend. We've been going out since I was about eighteen, and I'm twenty-one now. So it's been about three years. And honestly, those have been the best three years of my entire life.

Overall, our relationship is really stable. Antonio is the type of overprotective, doting, gushing lover, while I'm... not. But that's okay by him. If you think about it, there are a lot of settled differences between the two of us, and most wonder how we ever make it work. Antonio calls it true love. I call it patience and tolerance.

Antonio's always been there for me, ever since I was really little, still living in his house and serving as his stupid little 'henchman' he used to call me. He would be the one to roll his eyes and smile at my mistakes at the same time, and help me get back up. When I was young, I don't think I recognized this as love. I think I thought of it as something more as a normal relationship between a boss and a servant.

I didn't know it until he told me.

I thought I was going to hell when I came to terms that I was in love with a boy. Italians tend to be a little on the religious side, and I was afraid, in a childish way. But after living with Antonio afterwords, I decided that nothing that felt this wonderful could be bad in any possible way.

Antonio was considerate. He was kind, understanding, passionate. I loved that about him. I loved the way he would make me feel wanted, even if it was just to him. I loved his hugs, his kisses, the way we would cuddle up in bed after love-making, he would hold me, stroking my hair, my back, my arms, my forehead, anything.

The way he would make me feel loved.

Antonio says that I'm very different when I'm just with him compared to out with others. I refuse and say he's a moron, but somewhere in my heart, I know it's true. I know I'm rude. I know that I'm selfish and stingy, believe me I do. But that's just the way I am.

But when I'm around Antonio... Well, things change. A lot of things change. He's the only person in the world, it seems, that I can really be myself around.

I've always yearned for love. I've always wanted that someone that I could just adore as much as humanly possible, someone that I could talk to whenever I needed to, someone that I could feel safe and secure with. And vice versa – I wanted someone that could rely on me, someone to smile at me with that shine in their eyes, someone that would remind me just how much I mean to them.

When I was young, I didn't know what love felt like. I was uncertain of myself, and I would push people away before I even knew them. I think Antonio saw through all of that. I think he saw through all of my stupid defenses, and got to know who I really was.

We've had disagreements before. No relationship is perfect, and ours certainly wasn't. He has brought me to tears more than once, and I've done the same to him. Even during the heat of fights, I would look at the fear in his eyes, only to glare defiantly at them in return.

I never really understood why he seemed to scared during those arguments. But I think I do now. He was scared of hurting me, and losing me.

I had always thought that if he would ever leave me, it would be all my fault, and I wouldn't have any regrets about the decision. That's why I thought it would never happen. I really did love him, and there was no way I would ever let him leave. That's what I had thought. But I was young. I was too prideful of my seemingly perfect life.

Now something is really wrong, and it _is _my fault.

And I'm terrified.

_**~Insomniac Records~**_

_***Chapter three***_

I woke up to someone talking. My eyes opened slowly, and only one thing crossed my mind: I felt much worse. My headache was as terrible as ever, I was incredibly dizzy and unbalanced. Everything hurt.

Then I felt a cool sensation on my cheek, subconsciously leaning towards it. The voice grew a little louder, and that's when it occurred to me that I knew this voice - very well.

I felt my body shift slightly, and I leaned my head against whoever it was. I finally opened my eyes, and my vision was extremely out of focus.

"Lovi...?"

I froze up at the sound of that voice. This had to be a dream. There was no way he was back already.

But, looking back up, I could make out the green eyes, the tanned skin, and the wavy hair.

"A-Antonio..."

My eyes widened as I felt a warming sensation through my body. I immediately tried to sit up - only to find that I didn't even have enough energy for that. But I knew for sure that this wasn't a dream.

"Oh, Lovi."

His voice was so gentle and comforting, and I had missed it so badly.

And then I heard a different voice.

"One hundred and two."

The voice was poisonous and furious as it spat out each word. My eyes widened. Femke?

"Wh-what?" I heard Antonio ask wearily. "What does that-"

"Point six." Femke finished.

I looked to my left. Femke was glaring fiercely at Antonio, her eyes narrow and dark. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she stared at him. I had never seen her so angry in my entire life.

"That's his temperature." Femke finished, the glare not ceasing. "And you left him like that."

"O-oh, my God..."

I heard Antonio's voice crack slightly, as if on the brink of tears. I felt him hold me tighter, as if I would disappear in a moment.

"My poor darling..." Antonio shuddered, his head resting against mine. "I-I'm so sorry."

I wanted to tell him that it was all right... But it wasn't. I never wanted him to do something like that ever again.

"You better be." Femke hissed at him. "I can't believe you, Antonio. I thought you were over this."

Over '_this_'?

Antonio didn't reply to her, only holding me even closer. My strength was slowly beginning to return, and I managed to sit up a little more.

"Careful," I heard Femke warn me. "Your fever is much higher than earlier."

"'M okay." I said groggily through a slow haze. Antonio carefully let me go, but continued watching me, worried. Well, worried wasn't the exact word I'm looking for. More like anxious and stressed.

I had to get up. This whole pathetic feeling didn't suit me well.

"Lovi, you should probably just lay down for a little while," Femke frowned slightly.

I shook my head. "I'm fine. I'm just... gonna take a shower or something."

"Bath," Femke corrected, beginning to help me get to my feet. "You don't look like you could stand up for more than five seconds."

I bit back a muttered response of irritation.

Then I heard Antonio ask, "Can I come with you?"

That seemed like such a natural thing for him to say, I realized. We used to take baths together whenever we could. Antonio had first meant it as a joke the first time we did, but it soon became somewhat of a daily tradition.

"Y-yeah, whatever." I mumbled, not wanting to argue.

Antonio stood up, and, taking a secure grasp on my hand, lead me to the bathroom. I saw him glance over his shoulder to Femke as we stepped out of the room.

Once in the bathroom, Antonio closed the door behind us, and he began running water in the bathtub. I leaned against the counter, holding two fingers to the side of my head. I was beginning to feel a little better, but the headache was still killing me.

"Water's ready, Lovi." Antonio approached me, smiling. I couldn't bring myself to smile back.

With trembling fingers, I slipped my shirt over my head, which I dropped to the floor carelessly. I watched as Antonio did the same. Not that I would ever say it aloud, but I really liked his body. Perfectly toned, the just right amount of muscle that flexed so smoothly... I'm rambling.

I rid myself of the last few layers of clothing, feeling my body heat up slightly from embarrassment. Antonio was already in the bathtub, the water coming to his upper chest. Biting my lip, I got in, concentrating on not slipping.

Immediately, I felt a pair of arms slip around my body. I relaxed against the familiar comfort. I found myself leaning against him, as he rubbed my arms softly with his thumbs. My head was against the crook of his neck, a position I knew that he liked.

I was too tired to make any snipe remarks at how dumb he was being by being so over dramatic or how stupidly romantic this whole scenario was, but even if I wasn't, I don't think I would have. I think... Antonio just wanted some time with me. Just to be with me.

We were quiet for a few minutes, just silently enjoying each others presence. Antonio's cheek was leaning against my head, occasionally nuzzling me slowly. The warm water was making me feel drowsy, and I wondered if it was for Antonio, too. Not that I cared...

And then, Antonio spoke. "Lovi, I am so sorry." His voice was low and sounded pain-filled. I felt a my heart give a weird, guilty twist. But I didn't answer. How could I?

"I can't believe I was so stupid." Antonio's body shivered slightly. "You needed me, and I just..."

"I didn't need you."

The words escaped my mouth faster than I could even think of them. My eyes widened in realizing horror at how that sounded.

"I _wanted_ you," I muttered, closing my eyes. "B-but I didn't _need_ you. I'm not a little kid anymore."

"I..."

Antonio broke off before finishing the sentence. But he suddenly gave a very muffled sob, clutching at me. My eyes opened.

"Hey..." I began weakly, aimlessly putting my hand over his, with a loose grip. "D-don't cry, okay? That's... That's not manly."

My voice failed me at my sore attempt at restoring what little of my character was left.

Antonio gave a short laugh, but it sounded as if through tears.

"Ah, Lovi." He murmured. "You really aren't feeling well, are you?"

"How could you tell?" I closed my eyes again, as Antonio's hands moved from my arms to my shoulders, where he began to massage gently.

"You're very tense," Antonio commented, and I could begin to hear the certainly slipping back into his voice. Good. I had missed it.

"Y-you don't say? Well, I've spent the past twenty-four hours stressing the fuck out about my idiot of a boyfriend..."

Antonio gave a chuckle, but it sounded bitter. His hands worked a little harder, and God forbid, it felt wonderful. He used to give me amazing massages on very special occasions, and he was always fantastic at them.

Then, Antonio's talented finger rubbed _just_ the right area _just_ the right way, and I failed to hold back a husky groan of pleasure. My face reddened as Antonio laughed lightly, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

"Feels okay?"

"Feels fucking awesome." I blurted out.

Antonio laughed again, but it sounded more... At ease. Which is exactly how I wanted him.

"I love you, Lovi."

It's been too long since I've heard those words. I felt my heart race as Antonio leaned toward me, closing his eyes against my neck.

"I-I... L-love you, too..." I choked out. Wanting something I hadn't received in a long time, I tilted my head toward Antonio's. Understanding, Antonio caressed my cheek with one hand, and kissed my lips softly.

The kiss was slow, nothing really sexual about it. Just warm and romantic, and just the way I wanted it.

Just the way Antonio was.

_**x~X~x**_

I thought that this was the happy ending to a small misunderstanding. I was wrong.


End file.
